I am a fake, an imposter, a joke!

Am I Made For This? 

• “I got lucky,”
• “I am not qualified”
• “I don’t deserve this,”
• “It’s just a matter of time before everyone finds out and then I’ll be a fraud.”

 

First coined in the 1970’s by psychologists Suzanne Imes, PhD, and Pauline Rose Clance, PhD, impostor phenomenon occurs mostly among high achievers who have a hard time internalizing and accept their success. 

Researchers have found that upwards of 70% of people have experienced feelings of unworthiness and doubt at some point in their lives. Truth is, feelings of being an imposter can really keep you back from going for your dreams, accepting that promotion or starting your own business.

• You find it hard to accept praise. (Oh yes, when I have had reviews and they were positive I doubted every single one of them and felt like a fraud)

• Reflect on your successes and say thank you. Leave it at that. “Thank you”

• You have incredibly high standards, that can not be met.

• Change your standards (yup, I too had to define what it meant to excel)

• You are convinced you’re not enough. (Define what “enough” looks like)

• The fear of failure is down right paralyzing for you. (Ask yourself what all you can achieve if you went against your fears)

• You work harder than your peers, often putting friends and personal life on hold to show you’re worth. (Reflect on how this can impact you and your relationships, and then what would happen if you became more efficient and therefore more effective).

If any of the above sounds familiar, stop when you recognize it and ask yourself where these feelings are coming from. What experience has provided you this opportunity and most importantly, tell yourself “I am worth this success”.

1. Words Matter, Be Kind To Yourself

• Catch yourself whenever you have a negative though and rephrase it. For example, if you catch yourself thinking you don’t deserve to be in the position you are, challenge that thinking by asking yourself “what did I do to get here” “what hard work have I accomplished”

• Rephrase negative comments into positive affirmations and repeat it. For example, instead of saying “I am working on being successful” to “I am successful.

Psychologists have actually found repetitive positive affirmations can improve your stress and anxiety.  I write down three affirmations daily. Start by saying “I am” and then filling in the blank with something positive.

• Imposter syndrome can really hold you back from exploring new opportunities. 

• It can keep you in your comfort zone so that you don’t fail, so that you don’t come across as not being qualified, so that you don’t make a mockery out of yourself. 

Truth is, unless you take new opportunities you will never know where you can go. The week that I am writing this, I am taking an opportunity to be guest interviewed on another coaching page. Am I scared? Hell yes. Am I preparing for it? Yes. Am I going for this opportunity? You better believe it. Opportunities are right in front of us, we just need to accept them.

Guess what? I too, experience Imposter Syndrome and I am a Certified Life Coach. I mean, I took the training, I am certified, I was apart of start up companies that became very successful, and I have clients that have launched their own companies. I have the experience to reflect that I’m qualified to be a Strategic Coach. I guess, there’s comfort in knowing it happens to the best of us and we are not alone.

Having imposter syndrome isn’t something that can be magically cured with medicine, or by waving a magic wand. It will come and go as we continue with reaching our goals. But there are ways to help you deal with it.

Below outlines six ways to help deal with symptoms of being an imposter when it arises.

2.  Recognize it

You’re here learning about it and that is a good start. When you’re feeling like you just got “lucky” when you worked really hard and achieved great marks or accolades. If you have experienced any of the following, you too maybe experiencing imposter syndrome.

3. Stop Making Those If/Then Statements

It is natural to reach and define benchmarks with metrics to qualify your success. Coming from a corporate world, your title, promotion, raise, etc is a distinguishing clear way to recognize your success. When you are an entrepreneur you know longer have those to work towards. But, if you are leaving the corporate world or already have, you should no longer be holding yourself to those same standards. You left for a reason. Those if/then statements are no longer serving you.

4. Claim Your Title

This is where you and I might disagree. And that’s okay. This blog isn’t for me, it’s for you. 

Girl, stop the non-sense! Unless you are becoming a doctor or other recognized profession in which you need several years of university to legally call yourself a title, then you might already be there.

If you’re already doing the task and duties of that title, then hell you are “that title”, claim it girl. Fill this in with your own title “I Am____” and now say it louder and louder until it comes second nature to saying it.

5. Let go of your need to be perfect

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as being perfect. There will always be something that can be improved on, to be altered, to change for efficiency. Perfectionism is a never-ending battle. I too, have experienced more times than I can count. 

Being a precrastinator, an over achiever, it was never enough. 

I was never enough. 

I should have done more. 

I went to see my doctor as anxiety and depression were so severe and are a result of my perfectionism. I had to do something, I had to get out of my own head for my health. I had to redefine it. I had to change my mindset on it. Because being perfect, is only a state of mind.

The words you tell yourself, the words you think about yourself do matter. Negative self-talk, even in a casual conversation, is a harmful habit and impacts our stress and anxiety level. Though you might joke with your friends or family that you made a dumb mistake, subconsciously you are calling yourself that.

6. Say Yes To New Opportunities.

One can’t really overcome having imposter syndrome, but there are ways to help you cope with it and I hope that above ideas help you find comfort as you endure when you experience it.